525,600 Minutes

This has not been a good year for me. In February, my parents got divorced. In March, I met a guy who I thought was my soul mate only to find out that he was not and that he was just using me. It hurt a lot and I could not really talk about it. In April, Nico left. It was terrible. We all miss him a lot. In May, I started dating Allison. We were bad for each other. Awful for each other actually but I loved her. I was addicted to the love she gave me. It kept me high on life. It made me feel unstoppable when really, she was what was holding me back. In July she cut me out of her life and then in September she came back. I was so happy. I had so many prospects to do things right this time. I should have known that a zebra won't ever change it's stripes. She cut me out again after she gave me another taste. I found someone in November though that went through exactly what I had dealt with for what seemed like eternity. He understands my pain and we are getting through it together. It hurts a lot sometimes still but I am slowly erasing her from my memory and my life. I don't speak to her or anyone that knows her well. I don't deal with the bs anymore. If she tried to come back at this point, I would have the strength to turn her away. I would have the willpower to show her the finger and tell her that every time she comes around, I get hurt and that I have too much at risk now to try to even be friends with her. Honestly I think there will always be a part of me that will love her and I hate that about myself. I hate that I could love someone who hurt me so much. I just want to move on and block the memories. With the love, support and help from the people that I am close to, the pain is dulled quite a bit. I don't think it will ever really be gone though. So yeah. 2016 has not been a good year for me. It has been the hardest year of my life. I never ever want to deal with anything like this year again. Blow after blow, I am at my lowest.

Snow

Snow.. how to explain snow.. It is cold. Colder than my soul. It is also wet and I hate it. Everything is dead and waiting to be reborn in the spring. I hate how cold and wet and dead everything is. Snow is the epitome of my dislike. It is way too stressful. A bunch of little frozen water molecules falling from the sky. If I had my way, I would never ever come back from the south. I love the heat. It makes me happy, unlike snow. Snow is crappy. It is cold and it makes everything die. I despise it. If you have the opportunity to never see snow, seize it because it is awful.

Seniors. Scary

Oh lord I'm a senior. NOPE. I do not like this. I am not ready to move on. I am going to miss Ms. Hudson soooooooooooooooooooooo much. I'm not even exaggerating. She has inspired me to go on to teach English and I would much rather stay a senior for another year. I'm not ready to go. I will miss how mysteriously comfortable Hudson's floor is. I will miss going to the office and talking to Mrs. Davis about life. I will miss Miss Krohn's eccentric attitude and (don't tell her I said this) I will miss her dang accounting help with stuff. I am going to miss Mrs. Young who has widened and expanded my creative mind and my skills beyond what I thought I could accomplish. Most of all I will miss all of my friends. Over the past two years, my class has accepted me and taken me in as one of their own. It's as if I have been with them since Kindergarten. I will never forget my first day here. Rachel Bush came up to me and asked if I was new. I said yes and she helped me get my schedule and walked me around the school. She helped me all day and I started to adjust very well. I will never forget anyone that I have been with through the past three years. I love you all dearly.

Turkey Day Massacre

I wake up and look around. I feel like I'm in a desert.. It is so hot. I feel my skin bubbling up. I sit up and push my way out of the hot box that I'm in. There's a woman standing across the room. She is mixing something up in a bowl. I make a run for it. She notices me and starts chasing me. Out of no where comes a dog and he is huge.... He picks me up in his mouth and runs outside with me. This is farther than I have ever traveled before I think. At the factory, they pumped us with growth hormones and gave us a tiny box to live in. We had no room to move. I feel even worse for the hens. They had less space and there were more of them. They had to push out an egg every day. If they did not after three days, they were taken away. My friend Selina from across the row was taken. I never saw her again. The dog throws me in the creek and I am instantly cold. I can feel my body go into shock and I start to die. Maybe I will finally see Selina again.

On my ipod

I have no space left on my iphone. All 32 gigs are filled with music. I worked it out and I have spent roughly a thousand dollars on music. I have a few soundtracks that I'll be honest, I do not really listen to anymore. I still listen to the soundtrack to Chicago on my iphone and my spotify on my android. I love that movie.. It is a total guilty pleasure. I honestly hate that I was such a preppy tween. I listened to whiny Bieber and sad Selena. I kept up with the celebrity gossip even though I acted like I did not.

Square Up

****SPOILERS******
AMERICAN HORROR STORY SEASON 4 AND THE SAW MOVIES


So if I had to choose two villains to fight each other, I would choose Jigsaw from the Saw movies and Dandy Mott from AHS. Both equally crazy. Both equally intelligent. I love Jigsaw but I also love Dandy. Dandy is a psychopath. He kills people with the evil clown, Twisty, that terrorizes Jupiter, Florida. After Twisty dies, Dandy takes over and starts killing people as he is messed up in the head. It is confirmed later that his mother married a second or third cousin to keep the money in the family. This is probably why Dandy has signs of being a sociopath. Jigsaw is a killer that never actually kills his victims. He kidnaps them and puts them into situations that gets them killed, however, if they escape, they are free to go. He's a brilliant killer. I would love to see Dandy and Jigsaw duke it out. I personally think that it would be a long drawn out battle and just like Batman Vs. Superman, nobody will win.

The Eternal Question

The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side. Plain and simple. He wanted to go across the road. He has been trying for years but someone always stops him and asks why he is crossing the road. In his opinion it has gotten old and annoying. He does not understand why everyone stops him. All he wants to do is get to the other side of the road. He does not even know why really. As they say, the grass over there always seems greener. Someday he may get there. Who knows? Maybe he will get hit by a car and then everyone will stop asking him why he is trying to cross the road.

Top Ten

So I'm gonna do my top ten favorite movies because Hudson got me on a movie kick with our creative writing blog. Thanks a lot Hudson...

1. Pulp Fiction
2. Rocky Horror Picture Show
3. We Need to Talk About Kevin
4. Nightmare Before Christmas
5. All the Harry Potter movies
6. Paranorman
7. Corpse Bride
8. Deadpool
9. Suicide Squad
10. Perks of Being A Wallflower

I love all of these movies. And yes. All of the Harry Potter movies count as one because it is all one story. The list is by no means in order. The Perks of Being A Wallflower is one of my favorite movies. Also one of my favorite books of all time. Another one of my favorite book to movies is We Need to Talk About Kevin. That is a fun story. It's about a kid who is basically a sociopath. When he was a junior or senior in high school, he went on a school massacre with the bow and arrows that his father got for him. I love Pulp Fiction though. It is my favorite movie of all time. Tarantino is an amazing director and quite funny. He has a dry sense of humor but I find it very funny. It is one of those hit or miss movies. You either love it or you hate it. No in between.

A six word story

"For sale: Baby shoes, never worn."
 My hands shake as I type the harsh words on the bright computer screen in the dark computer room. I look down at my 8 month pregnant belly and I feel the tears well up in my eyes again. She's gone. We have lost her. My tears fall down my cheeks as I look hatefully at the monitor. I stand up and pace for a minute, trying to pull my thoughts together. I suppose I'm making a lot of noise because my husband stumbles in from our bedroom.
"What're you doing, Sally?" he asks me. I have no words. I can't explain why I decided to do this in the first place. I just stand there and cry. He comes over and holds me. I fall into him and just collapse. I let all of my walls down and I let him take over. I feel his chest start shaking and I know he's crying now too.
"Sally, what were you writing?"
I just shake my head and pull away from him. He walks over and reads my ad. I watch him as his head falls and he begins to sob. He suddenly falters and stares at the screen. He hits the backspace and closes Craigslist. He turns around and looks at me.
"C'mon. Let's go to bed honey," he tells me. I nod and follow him glumly to bed. He holds me until I fall into a deep sleep. A sleep I won't wake from in the morning. He doesn't know that. He won't know that until he wakes and I am gone. The only thing that he will never realize is that the ad was my suicide note.

Creepy story

"You hear your mom calling you into the kitchen. As you are heading down the stairs you hear a whisper from the closet saying “Don’t go down there honey, I heard it too.”
      I step away from the closet in sudden fear. I stand, frozen in the middle of my room. I don't know whether to listen to the voice in my closet or the voice in the kitchen. I can't figure out which one is real. I squint my eyes and try to think. I decide to try to talk to the closet voice. 
  "Mom?"
  "Yes, baby it's me." 
  "If it is you then why are you hiding in my closet instead of trying to protect me from the other one?"
  Silence.
  "Mom?" I ask again.
  "I'm so sorry honey."
  "For what mom?"
  "To keep you safe. I had to go through torture and I didn't want you to see me like this."
    My mother steps out of the closet and she is tall and thin. Her fingers are like spider legs and her smile is like that of a poorly carved Jack-o-lantern. 
  "I'm just kidding darling. She's down there, healthy and actually calling you down," she laughs. "Better see what she wants," she says as her smile broadens and she flicks out her long serrated fingernail. I stand frozen trying to scream. "Well, what are you waiting for? Run."

The answers are in the back

So if I could have all the answers in the world I'd just want to know what the end of the world is like. Then I would put the book down and never read it again. I would never want to see the rest of  my life. Life is a surprise and it should always be a surprise. I guess the only thing I may want to know is if I ever get over depression and anxiety. It is horrible. I often times think it is worse than if I were to just die. I dread panic attacks. I can't take them sometimes. My mind just breaks and I have to take a couple of hours and reset because I don't know what else to do. So anyway sorry about that little tangent but yeah I think I would just see how the world ends and if my anxiety ever goes away.

Back to the future

I think the future will be governed by robots. No emotions, humans are slaves. The machines have taken over and developed minds of their own. The will not feel. They will not emote. They follow the rules exactly and they don't dare try to help humans. Humans try to take back their world but they fail miserably. The machines control it forever. It started with the self driving cars, fingerprint recognition in cell phones, and so on. They stole our identities and then enslaved us, stripping away the only thing we had left to define us. Our names.

As Time Goes By

I really think that if we didn't have the obstacle of time, life would be a lot simpler. I think that everyone would feel less tied down. They would feel more free and a hell of a lot happier. People stress themselves out over time and being on time, having enough time, not having enough time, being late, setting times that will work for everyone, making sure you give yourself enough time to do everything you need to do before you have to do that other thing at this time. It's crazy that our lives are run by an abstract, inanimate object. It is pointless. If you look at the late 60's into the mid 80's, the hippies, and I mean the real hippies, had pretty much no sense of time in their drug induced minds and look how stress free, peaceful and calm they were without it. Stress makes people mean. It makes them yell. If we didn't have time, I think there would be a lot less hate and anger in the world. It worked for millions of people in the 60's, 70's, and 80's. Maybe sometime we should give it a try. It is a great feeling to be able to do things when you feel like it and when you want to do them without anyone to yell at you for being late or not doing something fast enough.

A fight with myself

I would really rather not talk about my flaws that I have. I refuse to promote something that will make me feel worse about myself. I can give you a huge list of all of the things that I think I'm bad at and I will only be more self conscious and upset about all of the things on that list. I will not argue with myself about things that I'm bad at. If I get in trouble for not doing the blog correctly then I will stick up for myself because I don't do that enough. I could fill a notebook with things that I dislike about myself. Instead I think I'll talk about some things that I like about myself that other people don't like but I don't care.
1. People think I am a weirdo because I am comfortable in my dirty hippie clothes. I love them and it's really about being comfortable in your own skin, which, I am. I wish more people would stop conforming to society's views and be open to free expression of one's self.
2. I love serial killers. People don't understand why and honestly I don't know either. I just have this obsession and I can't stop reading about them. I actually read an article this morning about 20 infamous child killers and I found it really interesting.
3. I am a pretty eccentric person. When I get excited about something, I'm excited. A lot of people don't like that about me. They get kind of freaked out but I really like that aspect about myself.

I'm the expert??

I think for this blog I will write about my stance on rape. I know a lot of people who are deeply affected by rape and sexual assault. I would like to bring up Brock Turner's case. When the whole controversy with his case started, I read a lot; and I mean A LOT, of articles on the case. I even attempted to track down the court transcript. I want to make this as clear as possible. RAPE IS RAPE. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN. IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT. A MAN DOES NOT RAPE A WOMAN BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE IS WEARING OR THE FACT THAT SHE IS TOO DRUNK TO SAY NO. HE RAPES HER BECAUSE HE WANTS TO TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF SOMETHING THAT IS NOT HIS TO TAKE. Rape also happens to men. It is not a gender specific action. I think that if someone says they were raped by a certain person, believe them because trauma like that is very serious and is usually not lied about. Does a dead man need to prove that he's dead in court? No? Then why force a rape victim to relive that death over and over again? IT IS WRONG. EVERYTHING ABOUT RAPE IS WRONG. I cannot stress that enough. There is a tumblr photo that I really appreciate. It is a photo of a PSA in a magazine. It's a fairly dark picture but it is clearly a lady lying on a bed. It is two pages and they are glued together. When you pull them apart there is a statement at the bottom that says, "If you have to use force, it is rape no matter what."

How's School?

School is going really well for me. I am staying organized and on top of my school work this year. My goal is to stay on top of everything this year and make sure I keep my grades up. I need to prove to myself that last year was just a hard year for me. I struggled to keep my grades up to par and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. I want my senior year to be as simple and least stressful as possible as I enter into the world of adulthood. I am happy to be back because I get to spend every day with my friends for one more year. My most challenging class is pre-calc... It is terrible. It's going to be awful but I'm going to try extra hard to make sure I understand it. I am looking forward to class games, as always. I'm also looking forward to the trip that Hannah and I are taking after we graduate in the spring. I'm so excited to go on the road trip with my best friend and I will do anything to make it happen.